ThoughtWorks: Immersion: Pune: The Return

Astounding - it took FORTY HOURS door-to-door to get home! I'm not a happy camper.

Going back, let me recap.

Thursday morning Chris Kozak came into the office celebrating the fact of having used an Eastern commode. A small victory for Chris. Sadly later that day he developed a serious and painful case of diarrhea.

Training Thursday and Friday wrapped up the whole two weeks. We presented gifts to Rixt and Chris, had ice cream on Friday, and a few of us prepared to leave.

Heading from Pune to Mumbai were Chris Kozak, Gautam Ramamurthy, and Manish Chakravarty, along with our escort Sachin and our driver. We knew we were in for a long drive, and poor Chris was still in bad shape.

Our car was due at 6pm, then at 7pm, then finally arrived around 7:30pm. We put the large suitcases on the top, and the smaller items inside, where we all just barely fit.

And then I asked Chris to tell us the story of his Eastern commode experience.

Warning: some may find the following story distasteful!

On Wednesday evening, Chris and Gautam and Manish and several others went to a Rajisthani village where they rode a camel and ate strange stuff. Chris found himself - umm - moved to action and decided it was time to experience an Eastern commode in all its glory.

For background, you should know that someone had told Chris about Eastern commodes before we went to India. He was told that you do your business, then use your bare left hand to wipe yourself, then use water (bucket or faucet) to rinse off your hand. This is precisely what he did.

He proceeded to tell us the full story, including details like using his fingernails to scrape his bottom to get all the - umm - stuff off.

As he told us his story, Sachin, Gautam, and Manish and I fell into total hysterical laughing. The fellows explained that this is not exactly the way it is done, and questioned why Chris would believe that a substantial portion of the world would stick their hands in their own feces every day!

The story, questions, gibes, and laughter went on for 90 minutes. Poor Chris took it well, particularly given that he was still suffering from a painful case of diarrhea.

I laughed so hard and long that I was in pain.

About 2 hours into the trip, we stopped at a mall to use the washrooms (Chris couldn't quite get himself to do so) and get something to eat. Several of us went to McDonald's and got chicken burgers - Chris had a Maharajah Mac. Bad idea.

About one hour later, Chris told us that he now felt like he had to void from BOTH ends, and we shouldn't talk to him so he could concentrate on not vomiting.

We finally arrived at the airport, where the traffic was unbelievable - nearly midnight on a Friday night, and it was bumper-to-bumper. As soon as we could stop, Chris was out of the car, the driver got his bag down, and Chris hustled toward the terminal and a toilet.

I caught up with him a bit later, and he was doing a little bit better, but not much.

We made our way through the process, and found ourselves outside the immigration entrance. Chris sat on the floor to fill out his form and rest his gut. After a few minutes he looked up at me and said "I've got to find a restroom right now!"

He got up, took about six steps, stopped, bent over, and proceeded to empty his guts onto the floor several times. The last time I could see blood in his vomit. It was scary.

He finally was able to hobble down the hall to a restroom, where he vomited some more.

We made it into the terminal, got him some more water (into which he mixed some rehydration stuff), and he was able to lie down and get some sleep.

Hours later, we arrived in Frankfurt. Chris was looking a bit gray, but was mobile. We parted ways there, him to Detroit, me to Chicago and then Austin.

I called Chris today (Sunday). He said he was feeling better, as he'd gone out the afternoon before to get a couple of hamburgers. While I question his judgment, I'm not responsible for him.

I got home LATE last night, feeling numb both physically and mentally. Today's no better, and I'm starting to sweat and my joints are aching. Hopefully this won't last long.